I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
