It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's always time for handjobs
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
