if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
