dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
