Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
