i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
