Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize