The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
