I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
