She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
