is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
