I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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