I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
