I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
