proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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