I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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