Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
