Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
