So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
