I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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