My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
