don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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