I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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