Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
