I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
