Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
