What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
