I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
