Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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