I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
