He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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