I cannot find my penis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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