New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
