His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
