one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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