I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
