I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
