Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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