operation harelip BJ is a go
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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