I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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