I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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