Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
