Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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