Cold hands, warm shart.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
