So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
