You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
