you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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