I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
