Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
