we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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