im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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