so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
