she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
