the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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