I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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