sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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