I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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