I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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