My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
