After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
