if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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