It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
