I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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