I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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