TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
